40), 1860. In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. Available on: Lawyer Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! But my lawyer thinks he can get me five. When an American veteran comes to VA, it is not up to him to employ a … ", Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.”, "Of course, people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. ", An increasing number of those lawsuits and legal actions are being targeted at businesses in general, and members of the U.S. retail industry, in particular, these days. I think we made a couple of them rich. Some of the questions are so daft they didn't require answers. “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2450, Delphi Classics, Oliver Herford, Addison Mizner (1907). If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. We’re all throwing the … Lawyers Quotes – Funny & Inspirational Quotes for Lawyers: From an individual factor, choosing Best Lawyer Quotes is usually your own thing. Speak Place First. "Â, "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.”, "A bad agreement is better than a good lawsuit.”, "I was never ruined but twice - once when I lost a lawsuit, once when I won one. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. "Plain or Ringlets?" ", "Every unfortunate event does not give rise to a lawsuit. Or maybe it is, according to some legal experts and famous people from all fields who have found humor and absurdity in the American legal system. There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5, and ends giving $5 worth for $500. You've got to work on his conscience. A good lawyer … “The Cynic's Calendar of Revised Wisdom...”. The funny quotes here are allegedly real true funny extracts from courtrooms. "". Joe Jamail. Lawyers spend their professional careers shoveling smoke. ", “We need a law that will permit a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.”, "Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. “. Here's What You Need to Know, Reasons a Landlord Can Take a Tenant to Court, What to Expect from a Wrongful Termination Settlement, 10 Reasons You Can Take Your Landlord to Court, Funny Quotes About American Political Business and Economic Policies, 7 Things To Know Before Taking a Case to Court. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2' (1592) act 4, sc. ", "This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” - David Frost, British Journalist, TV Personality, "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. For what, restraint of trade?”, "The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. Written by: Enjuris Editors. Jokes Feelings Every day we present the best quotes! “. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.” We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box. Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth … The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency. I might add another ones later as well, this is just a beginning. We also have jokes about attorneys and judges. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. ", "An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. ", "The only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers. They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers. Attributed to Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., in "Watergate and the White House" by Edward W. Knappman, p. 100, 1973. I have no idea if that’s right. Some More Quotes For Lawyers The good lawyer is the great salesman. From a Painting by Geo. He’s just the first one to go to law school and get … "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” Fred Allen "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." ", "You won't get sued for anticompetitive behavior. “Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. Here are a few of my favorite clean attorney and lawyer jokes. Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. Lawyer Quotes . Franklin P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. The questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records. English traits. Abraham Lincoln. … Related Topics. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? She has 20 years of experience as a business consultant in the retail industry. Funny Law Quotes & Sayings . Benjamin H. Brewster A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself. "SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld, New York: Bantam, (p. 90), 1993. Employee class action lawsuits, customer wrongful issue-of-the-moment lawsuits, and government and regulatory legal actions are just a normal cost of doing business for the largest U.S. retail chains.Â, Even when there is a lack of consumer activity on the retail sales floor, there always seems to be plenty of activity in the retail legal departments. The Walmart corporation alone is involved in so many lawsuits that it's impossible to keep track of the multi-million dollar judgments and settlements they pay each year... month... week.Â. www.imdb.com. Jan 20, 2016 - iFunny.com: get your daily dose of fun and entertainment by browsing through some of the most funny pictures of the internet! Giving a Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in Mind, Want to sue Someone Jefferson: Writings ” p.141. 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